my anthem

I have wished nothing more than to grab you by both your shoulders and crash our realities like two worlds colliding… It stemmed from a feeling, a need to feel understood and to better understand… but i came to see it much more simple as an obsession of ego. An overwhelming desire to look at me through your eyes

This began to fester in me uncontrollably questioning my self on this desire… I wanted to over come it and be rid of the feeling all together. It was filed under the folder marked “needs attention-self improvement”. I would never be so simple as to think that i could rid my self of an ego altogether… but simply of this selfish egotistical desire…

In exploring this ideal we cant help but take a deeper look at what the ego is and how it comes to be. From birth we are not brought into this world with an ego… its simply inevitable. Our eyes open outward upon the world, not inward upon our selves… we experience a mothers reaction to ones self before we are aware of our self… we soon feel our basic needs and then become aware of ones self… naturally the nurturing of a mother can only seem intertwined with the way she feels about us… hence the ego is born…

But upon closer inspection I am beginning to see it as a gift… so long as it can be controlled this natural desire can be my anthem… you see speculation would show that the human spirit striped of its ego will simply put, digress…

self improvement is a dangerous game with multiple turns of redirection… what i have learned through this you ask? that some demons you wont be free of you just turn them into minions…

Published in: on April 1, 2008 at 6:09 am  Comments (6)  

i write “…” cause i never think “…”

coffee and cigarettes are the taste of the intellectual.

there’s a wood door that’s standing in front of me… the rules of this door are that once you step through your on the other side… the moment i walked through, it turned black… for every color i have tried to paint it, it remains black… no longer a wooden door… it is made of black… i have imagined it in many different colors… i think to myself how wonderful it would look in a lovely shade of red. but the truth is i just dont have red paint… i stand in front of this alone and when you stand next to me and throw your white paint all i can do is watch the paint trickle down and leave behind no stain… your sentiment is wonderful and i come closer with all your throws to being able to imagine what it would look like in white… but the truth is i prefer to stand in front of this door alone…

for all my suffrage what pains me the most is that i could never be a martyr…

Published in: on March 31, 2008 at 5:29 pm  Comments (4)  

bonus-eruptus…

im actually self diagnosing my self with mind-eruptus… its a terrible disease were my mind is trying to jump out of reality, right out my mouth!

which brings me to asking my self what is reality? I think its complicated really… i have a theory that we are basically each our own selfexsisting , self sustaining planets… stick with me here! on each of our own planets everything we think or say is reality cause there is nothing there to disprove it… if you dream something, while you are asleep you will feel the full grip of your own reality… you feel all of it to be completely true because again… there is nothing there to dispel you from the depths of your mind… until… you wake up! this is your mind, no your self sustaining planet barreling down on the one we call earth like a comet bent on destruction.

welcome to waking up on earth… you have just entered a whole new universe… a universe like this one completely filled with other planets, stars, and of course plenty of unknow… unexplored space. this is what you are coming to terms with when you wake up.

now onto the subject of human interaction and reality. taking my theory into play upon human interaction, your voice, your actions, what you do on a daily basis now becomes you as we know you… acting as the ambassador for your planet… and as you go out and interact with other ambassadors through out your day, you assume other peoples reality based immensely of there diplomacy…

you have woken up on planet earth.

Published in: on January 27, 2008 at 4:57 am  Comments (4)